poem

 Land of Jeff

Welcome to the Land of Jeff. Everyone here is Jeff. Formerly a boom town, founded back in the early seventies. Originally a mining town. When the silver went bust we tapped into a thin vein of hope. This used to be such an exciting place. It seemed like anything could happen. No two Jeffs were the same. Some you couldn’t stand to be in the same room with for too long but most of them were pretty cool in slightly different ways. Hospital Jeff was always at the hospital. There's Jeff in the backyard staring through the bonfire reciting soliloquies from Hamlet. Basketball Jeff alone on the driveway court, 1v0, once again making the last shot at the buzzer to win the game. Music Jeff and cries in movies Jeff. Jeff with the clever retorts. Painfully shy Jeff. Afraid to talk to girls Jeff. Proud of himself Jeff. Jeff who hates himself. Jeff with the long ugly mullet. Jeff trying to impress his dad. Salutatorian Jeff. Careless reckless Jeff. Jeff who defaults on his loans. AOA Jeff. Broke Jeff. Almost dropped out of med school Jeff. The Jeff who works so hard to make enough money he’ll never be broke again. Talks to himself Jeff. Insecure Jeff. Scoundrel Jeff. Terrified Jeff. The Jeff who buries longings under mounds of false irony. Earnest Jeff, gentle Jeff. The Jeff who can be a little bit of a dickhead. Jeff in a constant state of baffled wonder. Jeff who forgets your birthday. Disciplined Jeff. Reliable Jeff. Good boy Jeff. The Jeff who always seems to let you down. Jeff in love. Broken hearted Jeff. Clinical Jeff who will coldly cut you off like a gangrenous limb. Penny-pincher Jeff. Generous Jeff. Everyone here once had a friend named Jeff who quickly wore out his welcome. Some of us crossed paths with Jeffs who kind of grew on you after a while. You got the feeling that if you looked hard enough, paid attention, and really did your best, you would eventually find a limitless supply of Jeffs. He was everyone you had ever known. It was a good time back then. So happy to be here, before we even knew what happiness was. We thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together. But now we’ve fallen on hard times. Haven’t had a visitor in years. One by one all the Jeffs seemed to just leave or disappear. Our population plateaued years ago and now is in steep decline. Every morning another row of houses, entirely abandoned. Moved on to the land of Liam or Lincoln or Jack. All our schools are now thrift stores. Some days the only other Jeff I see is the one in the mirror. Well, as long as you’re here, enjoy it while you can! Some day soon you won’t even be able to find it on a map. I’m only telling you this because I love this place. I’m not embarrassed anymore. We had a good run. Never did I think anyone would ever want to stay here for long. And truth be told, everyone else is gone. I’m the last one left. I’m the only Jeff. 

6/28/26