poem

 A Kind of Adult

We spend an extraordinary amount of effort

Trying to become the kind of adult we think

We needed as a kid but never really had

Taking note of all the ways

We felt let down

By old mom and dad 

Meanwhile your own kid is watching, plotting,

Formulating ways of evolving into a future self

Who is better in all the ways you are not

Full of all the things you lack

You’re better off burning your notes

Not trying so hard

Letting go by staying put

When your boy starts talking

Stop what you’re doing,

Look him in the eye and listen.

Realize when he wants you 

To just say I don't know

Even when you have the answer

And when your daughter seems sad

Sitting on the edge of her bed

And you ask what’s wrong and she says nothing

Maybe instead of explaining it all

Just show her your latest dad dance

A celebration of sorrow

That ends with a move you call 

Love doesn’t always shine

It’s a lot simpler than we think.

Just being there.  Without all the heavy posturing

The long gone boy you once were

Appreciates all your earnest machinations

But it’s too late for him

He forgives you

He knows it’s not your fault

And so when your own kids

Sally forth into the arc of their lives

Don't be surprised when they start

To become people you’d never recognize 

I'm not you! they’ll say

Thinking the gaps and holes you left

Were tasks for them to fill

You can’t take it personally

Even a perfect day fades to black

Your only job is to be the face they see

Whenever they feel the need to look back 

5/14/22