poem

 Ads

I like commercials with a beautiful, perky actress and it’s just jump cuts of her in different brightly colored outfits. I like commercials where the dogs end up with fancy meals on white plates. Mélange. Haute cuisine. I like commercials that are loud and obnoxious like entitled toddlers ignored by bad parents. I like commercials with a genuine narrative arc where the climax is the appearance of a product they all start laughing at and the denouement is me writing down the 1-800 number on the back of an old magazine. I like commercials that are an easily solved puzzle. I focus on little things. Like which direction to twist the shower knob to get hot water. I like commercials that elicit feelings of 45 years ago. Cicadas and cigarette smoke. Driving home from Akron, the front windshield a snapshot of the universe while our spaceship's hyperdrive accelerates into the stars. I like commercials that have stopped trying. Embarrassed by the product. But I’m a sucker. I want to help them. Don’t give up, I say. I’ll buy everything you need.

5/17/26