poem

 Self-Own

I was having one of those days

Feeling really down and depressed

So I went online and wrote reviews

On Yelp, Google and Angie’s List

So that everyone would know 

About my miserable experience:

“One out of five stars

Worst two hours of my life.

Why does it feel like I’m not alone

In here, two shades of the same thing

Like darkness and midday light 

Fighting over what’s left of the moon.

I didn’t sign up to be the performer 

On stage in front of an audience of ghosts 

Caught in the circling vortex

Where I’ll never remember my lines

No matter how much I study,.

And the doors remain locked

So no one can ever get up and leave.”

The comments section was even more bleak:

Tried it once, won’t go back

I called the county health department the minute I got in my car

If existential dread was a felony this poor man would be facing life without parole

Although the food was good the mood was funereal

What is this? What the hell?

Made us eat in the back alley in the rain

He obviously needs help. I gave him the number to a therapist I was seeing

Honestly it was embarrassing;

51 years old and thinking I’m the one

Whose job it is to monitor the person

Out there impersonating the actor

Hired to bring this hackneyed script to life.

Buzzing my own self out like that 

For no good reason on such a fine summer evening.

I was mortified, being stuck inside his head,

Both for him and for how I would feel

The next day, musing on alienating moments

While looking at his face in the mirror.

I wouldn’t recommend his services to anyone.

Caveat emptor!

I wish I could say I’ll never return again

But I know I will.

He was at least hospitable and didn’t make excuses.

He recognized right away the truth:

It isn’t “social anxiety” or “supply chain issues”,

He just isn’t very comfortable with himself 

Even when no one else is there

Watching 

The only good part was learning

Something true about myself.

Well it’s a start, I suppose. 

The first step is summoning the courage to look.

For that I’ll probably give him another chance 

9/8/24